If you are really stressed out, it can be very hard to even think about sex, much less enjoying it. As such, stress can be a major factor in low libido. Oftentimes the major sources of stress in our lives seem beyond our control. If you feel that’s true for you, do the following:

1. List all the things that are causing you stress.
2. Draw two large circles on a sheet of paper; the circles should partially over-lap. Over one circle write “Within my control”. Over the other circle write “Outside my control”.
3. Transfer all the stressors you listed into one of the two circles. If the stressor is partially in your control and partially out of your control try to divide it into smaller parts that are wholly within or outside of your control. If you can’t do that, put it in the overlapping parts of the circles.
4. For the stressors that are wholly outside of your control, you have three choices:
   1. Do something to get the stressor within your control.
   2. Find a way to deal with it (as it is outside your control).
   3. Let it go, because it is outside your control. (This is usually easier said than done, but often times, just realizing you don’t have control over something makes it easier to accept and move on.)
5. For the stressors within your control explore several questions:
   1. How might you reduce the stress at its source?
   2. Can you cope with each stress another way, or shield yourself from it?
   3. Can you compensate for it by nurturing yourself in some way? For instance, changes in your routines, a new form of creative self-expression, help from your partner, working on unresolved problems, time you devote to yourself – the positive effects can be profound.

Determining where your stress is coming from, determining if it is within or outside of your control, and formulating a plan to deal with those stressors within your control can dramatically decrease the negative effect stress can have on your body.